Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Falling in Love with Yourself

Please note that this post is not meant to be preachy or is not meant to make it sound like I do not have days where I doubt myself and my abilities. This is not a post that is supposed to make me sound self-centered. This is just something I have been thinking about and after encountering/having conversations with some friends/students who are insecure and harbor such negative feelings towards themselves, I just attempted to write it out. Celebrate you.

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Early morning runs are where I do the majority of my deep thinking. There is something inherently peaceful and beautiful about being out on the pavement before the sun rises, when no one (except a few elderly people and their little dogs) is out, and the cars (and pervs driving them) are not out for you to dodge. My morning runs are a time for self-reflection, a time for self-healing, and a time for self-preservation.


Lately, I've been thinking a lot about who I am as a woman. It is no secret to anyone reading this blog, or to anyone who knows me in person, that I think I am fabulous. Did I always think I was this fabulous? Wellll.....yes and no. I have always been confident in my abilities, but I was not always confident in the way I looked or the way I felt about myself. Basically, I didn't think I was the absolute total package until I had my heart broken. Having my heart broken, coupled with running, led me to falling in love with myself.


In the blogging world, I would not say that I am part of a rare breed of women (and men) who are in love with themselves; the majority of the blogs that I read appear to be written by people who know their worth and are in love with who they are. However, in the much larger sub-set of non-bloggers, I would say that I (and my fellow bloggers) are part of a rare breed. Many of the people I encounter in my daily life are not happy with themselves, whether it be their appearances, parts of their personality, or something else. And honestly, no matter how hard I try, it's VERY difficult for me to understand WHY it's so hard to be in love with yourself, even though it's so hypocritical of me because I have BEEN there before.


Many of the people I know who are in love with themselves have come to that feeling after dealing with a hardship or a destruction of some sort. Having my heart broken is what turned me into a 23 year old with the soul of an 80 year old. I used running as a way to slowly rebuild myself. A way to sort my thoughts out. A way to reflect on what I want and deserve, and a way to fall in love with myself. I love my personality in its entirety (even the stubbornness and the diva-ness), I love my body for what it does for me, and I love my outlook on life. Was it easy to get here? No. Was it worth it? Yes. I think I am beautiful, inside and outside. I am confident in my body; I will wear bright colors and patterns and am not afraid to experiment with new styles. At times, I am my own biggest fan, even when no one else seems to be on my team. I don't let others get me down and each morning, I choose happiness. I am in love with myself and my life, and I deserve this.


In all of this rambling, I hope that some sense has made its way through. I just want to tell anyone who comes across my little blog that you are worth it and that falling in love with yourself is one of the greatest journeys you will ever embark on. Maybe you need someone to hold your hand in the beginning, I certainly did, but eventually, I took off running on this journey of self-discovery. I am so in love with who I am that I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve and I also refuse to stop learning, about myself, about others, and about this world. And I'm hoping that one day, the love that I have for myself will eventually be matched (or even better, exceeded) by the man I marry.


Would you say that you are in love with yourself? How did you get to that level of self-awareness?